31 October
Here I
am in the basement of the Hotel Fern sending you a mail. Never thought I could do it so just hope it
gets there. I will check my account tomorrow
for a reply before we have to leave at 11.30 local time (6am yours) to see if
it worked. Disaster with phones. I cannot send texts from mine for some reason
they just all go to Outbox and no-one could work out the problem for me. Then today Kev's sim card become corrupted and
we lost all contact with the outside world. I thought Kev was going to have a heart attack
he became so stressed. The people he
spoke to said it would take days to get a new card but at my suggestion we
went to a Vodaphone (his provider) shop and Hey Presto they were able to
instantly give him a new sim at a cost of 30 rupees. Am I getting
good at this technology lark or what? Apart
from that we had a quiet day. Kev took
me to a sort of beauty parlour where we had facial, pedicure and manicure plus
beard and hair trim. My man was very
good and according to Kev the best around. We then went to a famous sweet shop to buy
some as gifts for Diwali and had lunch there before the phone panic set in. Flight was fine but as usual I couldn't
sleep. When I got here Kev was nowhere
to be seen and did not answer his phone. After half hour I found him sitting on a bench
nowhere near the pillar he had told me to wait by. He had changed his phone as well and left the
other one in Kerala. Apparently he had
been waiting for over an hour as he forgot about the clocks going back in
England and he couldn't get into the airport as they would confiscate his bag.
First disaster was that the guy who had bought the train tickets got it muddled
up and got the afternoon one for going to Jalander. This means we have to spend the night there
before going to his friend’s house and missed the first Diwali party that his
friend had arranged specially for us. I wonder what else will go wrong. I learnt today that we are going to a wedding
when we are in Agra so I shall have to try and buy a suit.
1
November
I am so thrilled that
this has worked. Tonight we are arriving late at hotel in
Chandigarh and then 2 nights at Cheema's house which includes the Diwali
celebrations. Not sure I can get
internet access but if I can I will send a message, if not it will be from
Amritsar 4th to 5th Nov. Kev has a rude habit of holding conversations
in Indian and although I can get the gist from the liberal use of English words
and phrases I cannot join in, which is leaving me very frustrated. I will have
to say something to him if it continues.
We are killing time this
morning as train is not til 4 so we are both having a massage,
then some lunch before the cab comes at 1.30.
I have been very brave on the food trying everything Kev has suggested
except the ice cream, but have been careful only to use bottled water for
cleaning teeth, making coffee etc.
4 November
I have
been here 6 days and today is the first time we will do any sightseeing. After lunch at about 3pm local we are off to
the Wagah border crossing. The last 3 days (2 nights) was with Kev's friend
known as Bill. He came to Gravesend when he was 10 but still has very bad English.
His wife has virtually none although she
has lived there for 30 plus years. She can’t even hold a conversation with her
own grandchildren in England as they do not speak Punjabi. Funny old world. The hospitality was
fantastic. The servant and his wife ran
around after us cooking special dishes and producing Masala Tea at all times
including 5.30 in the morning with hard boiled eggs. This is because everyone is woken by the
Temple chants and then go back to sleep when they stop at first light. My tummy has had one dodgy moment but that
may have been too much whisky and not the food. I am eating everything I am offered as I know
Kev is very careful. Must go now as
Guide has just arrived to take us to lunch.
There are 3 things causing me to scream from the pollution infested rooftops:
1: To
say Kev moves at a snail's pace is to be very unkind to the mollusc. He gets up at 6am to be ready to leave by 9. Everything revolves around the 3 billion
tablets he takes every day. Some are 1 hour before food, others half hour
before and others 2 hours after. The
whole day therefore revolves around when to have meals and all other activities
are curtailed or delayed to meet this all consuming criteria. The most critical is the Kerala medicine
which is to be taken between half and 1 hour before each meal. So far he has failed to take it in time on any
single occasion, usually because he forgets that food needs some time to be
cooked, restaurants are not necessarily within 5 mins of the hotel and there is
always traffic. Bless him AAAGGHH.
2: He
is organised to the n'th but does not realise that others are not, especially
the many friends and odd acquaintances that litter our journey so far. I shall tell you in depth later the whole saga
of the trip to the Wagah border. Suffice
it to say that we did not get the VIP seats as promised, we waited over 20 mins
to be picked up in totally the wrong place, phones didn't work, Kev needed to
sit down every 5 mins etc, etc, etc. AAAAAGGGGHHHHH.
3. Most
conversations are held in some Indian dialect or the other. Even when people start to talk to me in
English, within seconds Kev has responded in Hindi, Punjabi or god only knows
what and I sit there like a mute for the rest of the conversation. I have moaned, shouted, embarrassed him in
front of friends and still he just cannot help himself from slipping away into
some alien tongue. Thank goodness for
the humour,
{the computer decided I had been ranting enough and threatened me with some horrible affliction if I didn't send it immediately . SO I DID}
To
continue: Thank goodness for humour. The
only time I could break into a conversation was when someone laughed and
I could work out the source of merriment and for a phrase or two bring
the conversation back to something I could join in. AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH. The worse thing is that a lot of what has
gone wrong could have been avoided if I had known the arrangements and had been
allowed to bring my simple logic to bear." I will meet you at the gate at
6 o’clock" is something that I might have been able to reasonably explain
and not confuse with let’s look “around the car park” or “perhaps he has
fallen asleep”. Anyway thanks for
listening. After several brandies it is
amazing how long I can rant for. Whoops
better go there seems to be a queue waiting. AAAAGGGHHHH
5 November
Actually
it was the rant I needed and having had it to you albeit after a quantity of
Remy Martin I have been far more relaxed today. Kev had a row with our guide last night
because he suggested we start the sightseeing about 12. Kev made the point that we would have the
whole morning doing nothing which was a complete waste of our time. So we set off at 10. Two sightseeing bits; Golden Temple and site
of massacre. We didn't wait in the long
queue for the inner temple as Kev assured me this was only for a blessing and
was otherwise not worthwhile. The two
trips plus going to a shopping mall to look at suitcases, a chemist for various
additional remedies and a boozeria for a bottle of 'Something Special' scotch
for his son-in-law and then having lunch, took us to 2 o’clock and left us with
the entire afternoon and early evening with nothing to do which was obviously
not a complete waste of time. As it was
I had a deep massage from an Ayuvedic physio guy as my back has been quite bad,
and Kev spent the whole time on the loo with bad tum. He has just cancelled going out for dinner and
we will eat in house, if at all. Yes I
did see the Ceremony and took umpteen videos over the heads of the crowd with
modest success. I haven't deleted those
like I did my pics from Bill's house. I am very annoyed at my continuing
ineptitude. 6.30 here so think I will go
for a beer and then go and be sympathetic to poor, poor Kev.
6 November
Just a quick one whilst waiting for Kev.
I am so useless with the camera. I had taken some snaps but when I
looked at them there were some that needed deleting. Feeling confident after success with emails I
found an erase button but it did not delete the pic I wanted so just kept
pressing until something happened. I
realised too late that I had erased all the pics from the date shown.
AAAAGGGHHH. I’m in Chandigarh in a ghastly
hotel. I am borrowing desk clerk’s computer to read and send emails.
7 November
Something is wrong with my email I seem to have lost all the recent
mails. Plenty of disasters today. Horrrible hotel in Shimla, so we have changed
to one marginally nicer. Stuck in back
room with guys having a meeting so won’t say much. We are here 3 nights so probably no more til
we get to Delhi. I wish I had never come
and can’t wait to be home.
I am sending this from the local tourist office for 10 rupees. I received your text but it still won’t let me send a reply. Just says message not sent saved to outbox. Thanks for trying. Kev is an absolute pain but he spent a lot of time and energy putting this together and it is his reliance on 'friends' some of whom he has not seen for years that is causing constant disasters. It will be ok when we get back to Delhi as he is in his comfort zone, so I will stick it out thanks, although I was tempted {to get the next available flight home}. It is pouring with rain here and freezing cold so much the same as you. I haven’t eaten since breakfast 10 hours ago so will go back to the hotel if I can find it.
9 November
It is
evening in Shimla and I am using hotel computer so must keep this short. Thanks so much for all the texts I would love
to reply but still no use. I have the sh...s
for last 2 days. Not bad enough to stop doing things but not pleasant either. Lots of Imodium. I have been exploring on my own. Kev is no good at being a tourist. He thinks that if he goes to somewhere it is
enough to say you have been there. He
then stays in the hotel, arguing with the staff, complaining about everything
possible, tipping everybody that he feels will suck up to him and repeatedly
telling his life story to those staff, unsuspecting fellow guests and any
passing stranger who he feels will be impressed by his status in the UK. I have been up to Kufri today and also walked
the length of the Mall. I took a picture
of Clarke’s hotel. I feel I am overstaying my welcome so will sign off soon.
10 November
I know it is the middle of the night for you but thought I would get a
quick one in before we leave Shimla in about I hour. Shimla is looking beautiful this morning with no-one around as it is Sunday and clear skies so that I can see the snow covered
peaks of the Himalayas in the distance. I
have found an internet cafe and feel more at ease here instead of in the hotel
office with the manager and others all watching me. We do not get to the hotel in Delhi until
11.30 tonight so no chance of mailing you til tomorrow.
I hope it works from there. My tummy has settled down. I stuck to veg. biryani last 2 nights as someone
very wise would have recommended and omelettes for breakfast. Let’s see how the day goes. The place I went to yesterday, Kufri, is about
10 miles from Shimla almost straight up and boasted of being the site of
the Himalayan National Park and housing a Zoo. In the end it was a bit of a problem for me
as to get anywhere involved riding on horseback in a chain. Also Kev
declined to come and the driver spoke little English so to leave him for a long
time was a worry. I did find the entrance
to the Zoo but decided against going in. Still it was an adventure and got me away from
the general run of things which had become pretty boring. As you so rightly say Kev is of a totally
different culture, particularly here in India and I am struggling with it
all a bit. I am not so sure about
returning to India soon as I have just about had enough and could do with clean
streets, people who don’t spit constantly and who have a basic sense of hygiene.
That said I would love to come back at some time and would not do it without
you. 1 week and I am home. I hope the
Agra experience will be better especially as Kumar, Kev's friend and our guide
sounds really nice. He has been responsible for all the good hotels etc. that
we have had and Kev wishes he had used him for everything. It is his relation's wedding we are going to. Better go as I said I would be back at
11 and it is now 5 past.
11 November
How about this one!!! We left Shimla about midday to get the 6.53 from
Chandigarh to Delhi. A normal sort of journey taking in a leisurely lunch
and Kev spending an hour or so looking for, arguing about and eventually buying
a new suitcase. We got to the station in
good time around 10 to 6, the coolies took the bags to our appointed boarding
point E1 nos 27 and 28. Then there was an announcement that the train would
arrive on time in 15 mins. We looked at
the ticket and it was definitely the 6.53 on 10th Nov.
except this was the 18.15. Kev’s agent (the same one who booked us into the
worst hotel in Shimla) had booked the morning train even though they knew we
would be in Shimla the night before. Catastrophe!!! I thought Kev would drop
dead there and then. The train inspector
would sell us a ticket at twice the price but there were no seats left and we
would have to stand. Eventually Kev
contacted the driver who had dropped us off and he arranged for another driver
to take us to Delhi. We left Chandigarh
at 7.30 and got to the hotel at 2.30. Horrendous journey. The driver was ok except that he had been on
the go for 20 hours and kept almost falling asleep at the wheel, stopping, splashing
his face with water, taking some pill and setting off again. We made it but I was on the edge of my seat
the whole 7 hours. Put me in mind of Thailand although this hotel is no Tenko.
Oh and my trots had started again whilst Kev was buying the suitcase. I had to
borrow their loo (disgusting) and call in again at a local Mall (utopia by
comparison) before we got to the station. Luckily the Imodium worked although
I didn't feel too bright. Today is a day of me doing nothing and Kev phoning the
world to complain and relating the story to all and sundry. He knows everyone in this hotel and they all
listen patiently. I have escaped to the
Business area and am using a dilapidated keyboard to send this. Tummy still not right but I have eaten a
small breakfast taken some more Imodium and am hoping for the best. By the way we have already changed rooms as
the first ones were not up to Kev's standard. I think he just likes to be important. We leave for Agra early in the morning so no
chance of me sending anything til late afternoon earliest. Send me a text please to say this arrived as
I am never quite sure I am doing it right.
12 November
I am in Agra at the ITC Murghal a fantastic hotel but with rubbish
internet facilities. I have got a half
hour slot but everything is very slow. Kumar
is a real wheeler-dealer who is after Kev setting up a British branch of his
travel agency. I think he wants me to be
part of it. I have been measured for a
suit, (very expensive 240 pounds). I
feel a bit bullied into it and can only hope it is worth it. Everybody was trying to sell me things, very
lovely at prices I couldn't decide were good or not. In the end I didn't buy anything and said I
needed my wife as she always did the buying. I promised to come back next year. I am definitely out of my depth without you to
guide me. I have seen the Taj from the
roof of the hotel but it is very misty. We
are going at 8am tomorrow and Kumar will be my guide
after which we go to his house for lunch and then for a fitting of my suit at
3pm. The suit will then be ready by 5, they promise, and we are to the
wedding at 7 til probably they say about 2 am. We cannot stay with him
now as there are too many of his family coming for the wedding so we are off to
a cheaper hotel tomorrow night. Off to dinner with him now and then checking
out early tomorrow so will not be able to mail again
perhaps until Delhi.
13 November
Taj
was wonderful and many pics of me taken by Kumar. I have paid for suit upfront. Lots of pressure and everyone keeps saying
all will be fine but I just know it will be a problem. Still as I always say it
is only money and in context of holiday it is small. Using front desk
computer so will have to brief. Off
to Delhi in morning and possibly staying at Welcome hotel. 5star so Kumar says.
WE WILL SEE> HAHHA
14 November
As I am fed and watered and very tired I thought I would send a report
and then crash out. I am in a very plush
hotel in Dwark on the outskirts of Delhi and in a very plush business centre
using the most up-to-date equipment I have found so far in India. Also I have it all to myself except for 3
staff who keep offering me tea. Yesterday was a very
full on day. The suit was late arriving and needed the sleeves shortening and
the waist tightening, still it was ready in time. I
really should not be let loose on my own however; as, as well as being the most
expensive item of clothing I have ever bought it is also the most impractical. I spent the entire evening worrying that I
would end up with some highly coloured curry spilt over it that would never
come out. I shall be scared to ever wear
it again. We ended up going to 2
weddings, Kumar (who I have nicknamed Huggy Bear if you remember Starsky and
Hutch) relation and then his friend. All
quite extravagant and plenty of pics to show you. Kev had enough by midnight so
we headed home unfortunately before either bride appeared. Tomorrow is very
quiet, just a trip to Kev's beauty place in the afternoon and Saturday I may well explore Delhi by metro as Kev is
meeting a friend for lunch and I am fed up with being a spare part. Then, joy of joys; it all seems so close now
I could jump for joy. India Man (who has
not had the sh...ts for 2 days)
15 November
God but I hate this Country, or is it Kev, or both. Actually I think it Kev's presentation of
India that has made this such an appalling experience and you and me and Kuoni
could change how I feel. Today is typical. It should have been a relaxing day but
the beauty place is directly across Delhi from the hotel and took 2 hours
through heavy traffic with a detour to exchange some cash as both Kev and I
have run out. Kev had a dose of the Delhi
belly during the night and was feeling rough. I had a horrible night, some sort of panic
attack. The hotel is a 12 storey
concrete monstrosity with 60 or so rooms on each floor. You can only access your floor and lobby. Kev started off next to me but as usual had to
complain and be changed and ended up on the floor below. My room is enormous and although I went to
sleep ok I woke at 1 and felt very strange as if I was all alone. There was no noise apart from planes coming
into land, I thought of going downstairs and spending the night in
Reception, but in the end turned on all the lights and hid under the
covers. I did sleep fitfully and felt
different in the morning. Hope it is different tonight.
I thought of you in that adobe place in Morocco. Anyway when I got to the beauty place I felt
quite ill, journey, strange night, food I don't know but ended up fainting and
then retching. I have now been sick back
at the hotel and feel better. The
treatment took nearly 4 hours with lots of waiting and then Kev said he wanted
a 10 minute detour to get sweets to take home. This took an hour as he didn't know where it
was and then we hit the evening rush and not home til 7, nearly 3 hour journey.
I really can’t wait to get home. Can
you text me to say you have received this as I need to hear from you.
16 November
Thanks for your texts last night and this morning.
I am feeling a lot better. I had a goodish sleep with no panic attacks
thanks to your idea of keeping telly on and sick feeling has gone although the
poops are back and I am taking the last of the Imodium. I am spending the day in my room and doing
nothing. No adventures on the Metro as I
cannot trust my tum. Kev is not well. He
has had bad tummy as well and a nasty cough plus a tight chest on and off the
entire time. He has called for a doctor to check him over the same as he did in
Shimla. He has a friend visiting him
from Bombay. She is an actress that he
hasn't seen for 6 years who came a day early to Delhi just to meet up. He isn't really up to it but is meeting her
here for lunch. I have declined to join
them as I just want a day free and I know I would just be left sitting there
whilst they chat in some Indian language.
Today I am feeling relaxed and just looking forward to getting home tomorrow and ending this horrible trip. If you can be prepared to take Kev home as
well as I don't think he can get anyone to pick him up. He has 2 very large suitcases as well as 2
small ones so it will be a tight squeeze. If you leave the parcel shelf off we may just
about get it all in if not he will have to get a taxi. Counting the hours now, not just the days.
{Later}
This will be my last missive from India. I have had a really relaxing day thanks, doing nothing but watching sport on TV and sleeping. I did wander to the shopping centre at the back of the hotel for half hour to buy some crisps and dry biscuits for lunch. Imodium has worked so will chance a small meal tonight. Kev has taken to his bed after seeing doctor so will not see him til morning. The flight is confirmed for 1.30 local time and is still due at Heathrow T4 at 17.40 your time. I make that 27 hours to go. The taxi is due at 10.30 so, fingers crossed, no cock-ups in the morning. If anything happens I will text from Kev's phone otherwise you can believe we made the flight. Small panic today when Kev couldn't find his return flight details but we got a copy sent from his agent in London. See you tomorrow, YEAH YEAH YEAH